Why Adulting Shouldn’t Be Hard
Because it’s not
Adulting is hard. So hard, I gave up being an adult the other day to play basketball at the park with my friends. Maybe you felt the same —when responsibilities start piling up and you cannot find a way to escape so you end up fearing the process of adulting.
Well instead of mastering my finances or doing the dishes, the only acceptable solution seemed to be a day at the park.
The art of adulting is mysterious. I am trying to adult right now, but I have no idea what I’m doing or where I’m headed. I wish there was a step-by-step process on how to adult but there is no perfect way to do it.
There are no wrong answers
Adulting feels so overwhelming to me because every decision seems to be the right decision. There’s nothing wrong with living at home, saving money or moving to a new place, and creating new experiences. There’s nothing wrong with working a 9–5 job or being an entrepreneur. There’s nothing wrong with quitting a job to diversify or staying put to climb the corporate ladder.
When I was a child, I remember everything was black and white — to go to school or pretend to be sick and stay home — to do my homework or to play video games. The answers were perfectly clear in these scenarios — making decisions so easy. Suddenly, in the adult world, you’re introduced to a new color, grey — 50 shades of grey.
That and factoring in things like fear of missing out (FOMO) and fear of better options (FOBO); you have a recipe for overwhelming anxiety. Maybe that’s why I often turn to the park to “escape” the uncertainty of adulthood.
But park closes and decisions still need to be made. Whenever this happens, I do two things:
- Appreciate
- Visualize
I appreciate because gratitude keeps my fear at bay. If I focus on appreciating the amazing opportunities in front of me, I physically can’t be afraid. The more thankful I am for my situation, the less likely I am to beat myself up for choosing an option.
Afterward, I visualize my decision as if I already made it — picturing what it’ll feel like. By seeing and feeling the decision —I will be more confident and take the necessary steps to make the right decision. This leads to another obstacle in adulting — mapping out every step of the way.
There is no timeline
Before graduating college, everything was nicely spaced out giving me sufficient time to think about my decisions and most importantly process them. I always had a couple of years in between big, life-altering decisions. I had 4 years of high school to pick a college, 2 years of college to declare my major, and then another 2 years to decide my career path.
At the time, these decisions were overwhelming. However, looking back, it really gave me the space and structure I needed to make the best decision for myself.
But now as an adult, there’s no timeline to make a decision. I could work in the same job for the next 5 months or for the next 5 years. I can date forever or get engaged tomorrow or break up in 2 months. I can move out tomorrow or continue living with my parents. There are no hard deadlines for us to make our decisions.
You have to set your own pace
It’s terrifying, but freeing. If you need more time, you got it. If you rather sprint, that’s okay. No matter what, it is at your own pace. You can walk, run, tippy-toe, or crawl towards it at your own pace, but don’t wander aimlessly letting opportunities go.
Saying goodbye
Although everything is at your own pace, you’ve still got to move forward or you’ll never get anywhere. Which means, we often have to say goodbye.
Goodbye doesn’t always have to be to a human being. It can be a dream, a part of your life, a friend, or to the person you once were. Adulting is all about moving forward and if we carry everything with us, it’ll just slow us down.
“When preparing to climb a mountain, pack a light heart”
— Dan May
But goodbyes aren’t always bad. Goodbyes open up spaces for new opportunities, new friends, new experiences, and most importantly a new you.
I need to be brave and say goodbye
As I close my final chapters of college, I will be entering a new part of my life. I grew a lot in college, I learned a lot, I’ve made a lot of friends, and I will forever be grateful for that.
But I have more growing to do and honestly, I hope I’ll never stop. I hope to accept the difficult and messy times and cherish the beautiful moments adulthood brings. I hope I never get caught up in a decision that I’ll forget to enjoy the journey.
I look forward to all the places I’m going to go, the people I’m going to meet, and the occasional visits to the park along the way.
